Category: Uncategorized

  • Exercise and brain health

    Exercise and brain health

    Something that has been on my mind ever since my late teens is Alzheimer’s. Not something a typical 18-year-old thinks about I’m sure, but that’s when my grandma started to really decline from the degenerative disease. And it was really sad, she was no longer behind her eyes…they were just vacant. But honestly, her progression started probably five years prior or maybe even ten? My grandpa used to make fun of her for forgetting things, but then she received her diagnosis and things just turned sad. So it’s always been in the back of my brain…. I need to take care of my brain.

    A handful a day keeps the degenerative brain disease away.

    In my twenties and thirties, I would sporadically start to eat really healthy, walnuts, fish, etc. But it would be hard to keep up as I was going to university and running a business at the same time. I mean I was never too unhealthy I think, but I did have a proclivity for fast food in my mid twenties. But after a couple years of indulging through the drive through I realized that I always felt bad after eating it. I actually started to log when I ate fast food and when I felt bad. Surprise surprise those two things were always related.

    So I would say my love affair with the drive through ended by the time I was in my thirties. Then when I moved to Canada, I completely stopped eating fast food. Except on the long ride back to the States before I officially cut all my ties there. There is one McDonalds in Buffalo on the other side of the bridge that I would always stop at… but no longer. The last time I crossed that bridge I didn’t even think about stopping.

    But I digress. But Alzheimer’s has always been on my mind, especially now that I’m getting even older. And something I’ve always seen about preventing it, was to take care of your body. Exercise! Be around people where the common recommendations. But the yesterday I found this video. And in it, the lady talked about how good exercising was for your brain. Sigh. Good thing that I have always been pretty active, but now it needs to be front and center.

    I’ve been going to the gym for a long time, thanks in part to my mother. But sometimes it’s hard to find a good one. But I stumbled into a conversation with the owner of this gym the other day, and man I really wish I was in Victoria BC. Sarah-Jane seems awesome. She’s also older than I am and a mother too! So she gets it. She gets aging… she understands the burden of being a primary caregiver. She’s also really exited to reach people who are on the other side of 40 and improve their lives.

    So take it from me, as someone who has been paying attention to age-related news on how to age well. Exercise. Not just for your body, but also for your brain.

  • Conception

    Conception

    Something I’ve been musing about is the process of creating a new life, I have done that once and it has really rocked my world.

    I have had the enormous privilege of conceiving, growing, and delivering a child. Conception happened spontaneously, which as I learned this is extremely common and extremely rare. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to want a child. Because while we are in control of our bodies in a lot of ways, conception is something we cannot control.

    I know there are IVF methods that can take a lot of the guesswork out of the process. But even then, it’s not a guarantee. Some people even go so far as to do IVF with a surrogate, and I make no judgement on them. But I remember trying to conceive was uniquely painful, because all I could do was try. And I was thirty-seven at the time. Pretty common nowadays here in Canada, but still I went off birth control in January after talking with my doctor. January felt weird in my body. But my April I had conceived spontaneously after tracking my cycle with the help of those ovulation trackers you can get at Shoppers.

    I am and will ever be a type A person, so if I can perform in anyway to enhance my chances of success I will. I remember in mid-April testing to see if my hormones were peaking and they were, then we did the deed twice. After that I was so scared that I did not take a pregnancy test till the end of May. Did I miss my period?? Yes, I did. Now this was several years ago, do you remember talk about the initial Covid vaccine having an effect on women’s cycles? And it turns out that I got my first covid vaccine in early May or late April. So, I played these wonderful mind games with myself about how I was not pregnant regardless of my complete lack of energy or my chest being sore. Was I in denial? Yes.  

    But then come Victoria Day 2021 I could not wait any longer. I was working at a butcher shop at the time and I quickly stepped out to grab a pregnancy test from the corner store. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, and then I went downstairs to the staff bathroom and peed on a stick. Whelp, 3-5 minutes later it was a resounding double line, and I felt my entire world explode in the basement of a butcher shop.

    I’ll talk more about pregnancy and birth in the next couple of posts. But I wanted to say if anyone is reading this and is thinking about getting pregnant. Find yourself a doula. Do it for birth and postpartum. I know a queer birth doulas, postpartum doulas, childbirth educators, etc and can make recommendations if required. Do it. Your birth and postpartum time are so special, so difficult, and so profound where you should have as much support as possible.

  • Ageing

    I’ve started this blog because I have so many things on my mind. I’m getting older and while I much prefer ageing to death (because that’s what happens if you don’t age) I often find myself longing to my mid thirties… or even wishing that I could go back to my young twenty-self and do things over. Granted, looking back I’m not entirely filled with regret. I’ve ended a marriage, moved, found a new partner, and have a child. So, life doesn’t suck, but yet it sometimes sucks. Do you feel me?

    It sucks now because I’m not getting enough sleep. It sucks now because after two years of sleep deprivation I find my self 10 kilos heavier than I have ever been. It sucks because after pregnancy and childbirth my body is categorically different, and those experiences have left eternal scars on my psyche and on my skin. It sucks because my mind is no longer my own, my anxiety has almost taken a life of its own and I would much rather get the house put together than go outside and pamper myself. In someways the “family” has surpassed my soul in priority. I miss the days where I was my sole priority.

    You know what? You’re not going to get the “Life can sometime suck, but here are the things I have instead” talk from me. I think so often people do that to make it up for themselves, to try to make themselves feel better. That’s not going to happen here. The suckiness is valid and it can just be. It is and will continue to be.

    I’m unsure if this melancholy is part of ageing? I’m not sure I like it. Will it continue to get stronger as I enter my fifties? Sixties? Do eighty-year-olds sit around sulking in their past memories? God, I hope not. That can’t be the way to live. But how do you cope when your body slows down, when you favourite, people start dying? When you do not have that youth-related tenacity? When I was in my twenties, I moved to Sarajevo. Picked up everything and just left my home country for another. Then later in my mid thirties I moved again to Morocco. Now I feel stuck where I’m at, but at the same time I’m concerned with different things… more adult things?

    Things like my retirement account. Things like financial security. Things like familial inheritance. What the flying fuck happened? I used to year for freedom and now I’m considering (for the first time in my life) buying a home. BUYING a home. Previously that felt like a jail sentence to me. But now that my parents are retiring and paying off their mortgage, I can understand the importance of decreasing your living expenses as you approach your seventies.

    Ugh…

    ps: why asparagus? I’ve been eating it a lot and it’s so good! Also for spring, but sometimes I wonder how many more springs I will have the pleasure of seeing.