Something I’ve been musing about is the process of creating a new life, I have done that once and it has really rocked my world.
I have had the enormous privilege of conceiving, growing, and delivering a child. Conception happened spontaneously, which as I learned this is extremely common and extremely rare. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to want a child. Because while we are in control of our bodies in a lot of ways, conception is something we cannot control.
I know there are IVF methods that can take a lot of the guesswork out of the process. But even then, it’s not a guarantee. Some people even go so far as to do IVF with a surrogate, and I make no judgement on them. But I remember trying to conceive was uniquely painful, because all I could do was try. And I was thirty-seven at the time. Pretty common nowadays here in Canada, but still I went off birth control in January after talking with my doctor. January felt weird in my body. But my April I had conceived spontaneously after tracking my cycle with the help of those ovulation trackers you can get at Shoppers.
I am and will ever be a type A person, so if I can perform in anyway to enhance my chances of success I will. I remember in mid-April testing to see if my hormones were peaking and they were, then we did the deed twice. After that I was so scared that I did not take a pregnancy test till the end of May. Did I miss my period?? Yes, I did. Now this was several years ago, do you remember talk about the initial Covid vaccine having an effect on women’s cycles? And it turns out that I got my first covid vaccine in early May or late April. So, I played these wonderful mind games with myself about how I was not pregnant regardless of my complete lack of energy or my chest being sore. Was I in denial? Yes.
But then come Victoria Day 2021 I could not wait any longer. I was working at a butcher shop at the time and I quickly stepped out to grab a pregnancy test from the corner store. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, and then I went downstairs to the staff bathroom and peed on a stick. Whelp, 3-5 minutes later it was a resounding double line, and I felt my entire world explode in the basement of a butcher shop.
I’ll talk more about pregnancy and birth in the next couple of posts. But I wanted to say if anyone is reading this and is thinking about getting pregnant. Find yourself a doula. Do it for birth and postpartum. I know a queer birth doulas, postpartum doulas, childbirth education, etc and can make recommendations if required. Do it. Your birth and postpartum time are so special, so difficult, and so profound where you should have as much support as possible.